In this article we are going to talk about the Why divorce is so painful? Whether it’s friendly or family-based relations everyone relationship is important and has value. One of the relationships that is a life long and extremely valued is the relationship of husband and wife, that is marriage. Weddings in every culture are not just a celebration it marks a prosperous beginning of a beautiful bond that lasts lifetime. To get married is counted as a big step in someone’s life and marks a new beginning of two people’s life together. But not every relation is bound to be together. ‘Break ups’ in relationships are totally normal and understandable.
The name given to a break up in marriages is called ‘Divorce’, divorce rate in India is less than 1%. It requires a lot of courage to part ways after marriage all around the world since, society pressure and cultural ideologies do not permit parting ways after relationship. Before divorce one can opt for counselling sessions too with a relationship coach or family counsellor. But getting divorced is better than letting yourself suffer because Toxic relations not only have effects on you but your children as well. If children grew up in a household filled with arguments and violent behavior, they will reciprocate the same which is harmful for other children around them. Negativity is like a widespread it will leave everlasting stains on your life and other beloved ones around you.
Top 10 reasons why divorce is so painful
To understand aftermath of divorce better here are ten reasons why divorce is so painful to go through: –
1. The stigma surrounding it
In many cultures divorce is highly looked down because marriages are a holy and auspicious bond supposed to be not broken up. Societal pressure to have a perfect marriage already haunts many couples so, to get divorced in such conditions is not acceptable. From the taunts to the thought of second marriage everything gets dawned up the separated couple. Especially for women society gets water boiled, they assume she is ill mannered and or guys they assume he is a bad human being.
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2. Trauma from bad marriage
To break such an important bond is followed by a reason. For many couples the reasons are domestic violence, torture for dowry, ill treatment due to discrimination on various grounds and abuse. Even after leaving the relationship the trauma affects the person lifelong. Counselling can help but does not guarantee best results. If your reason for being separated is violent behavior from spouse then even physical injuries are experienced which makes the other partner have life long memories from it.
3. Impact on children
If a couple has kid or kids the aftermath affects them too. Having divorced parents can have negative effects on their wellbeing. Children living with divorced parents experience psychological problems also, the parents equally get worried. In divorce including children ‘Custodial’ problems arise but custody mainly is handed over to mothers although exceptional cases are there. Many couples refuse to get divorced for the sake of their children even. In school’s special attention and care is provided to children from these backgrounds. Counselling and therapies should be made possible for them as being back on normal terms is extremely necessary other their childhood might even get strained.
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4. No form of support
Since divorce is looked down onto, many parents almost disown their child if they get divorced because they think their child has committed a sin. Afterwards these divorcees have to restart their life, with no family and sometimes financial support it gets hard for one to live a normal life again. After being socially discarded you can opt to seek help from NGO’s that cater to your specific needs.
5. Rumors and gossips that are followed
After being divorced it gets tough to live in a society without being judged. The rumors start following up and you become a gossip hot topic. Their character, personality, financial status and at times family is targeted and shamed. At times divorced people are even socially outcasted. Being socially outcasted sometimes troubles them to even buy or rent a house. From character assignation to false allegations everything is steamed off on the separated couple. People instead of letting the divorcee or asking her/him directly come up with their own assumptions that can be shaming.
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6. Struggles to be socially accepted
To start your new life, you need a social acceptance too. And at times this gets pretty ugly for divorced people. They are already considered socially outcast and above that if they try to be independent, they are judged moreover again. In many celebrations it is advised not to invite separated people because they reflect negativity with issues like this being socially accepted is near about challenging. Acceptance is part of everyone’s life whether we like it or not, the affirmation of being good enough is enjoyed by everyone and these case scenarios to outcast someone just because they refused to be a part of a toxic relationship is a mistake on behalf of society.
7. Psychological issues
Another problem only divorced people can understand are their feelings and emotions. After being separated the old bittersweet memories chase you forever and this leads to psychological problems. Common mental issues like depression and anxiety is dealt by people through and after divorce. Some people prefer not to get professional help and even have no one to share their problems with and ends up feeling lonely that is a ground for developing more severe mental disorders. Divorcees fail to regain themselves after relationship often forgetting their own individuality after divorce. Some even develop insecurities or trust issues which makes living life in general more troubleshooting. ‘Triggers’ for their panic attacks or anxiety attacks is also a problem faced due to aftermath. Proper medical help should definitely be sought after as it helps you stay calm too.
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8. Second chance at relationship
Whether it is trying to date or getting married, both gets equally hard. Some people would not like to marry a divorcee simple because they think they have a problem or some defect and that is why their previous marriage failed or if you have kids from first marriage the acceptance for them from your second partner is as challenging because of the factor they are not blood related. And it is sought after that widows should marry a widower and divorcee should marry another divorcee if they want to get married. Families do not accept divorcee easily too; they think the possibilities of second relationship will be equally low since the divorcee might not know how to handle relationships.
9. Managing responsibilities
After starting a new life and being a parent if get custody of child is like managing two lives. You have to be independent parent who is working and then the parent who has to look after the kids too. While managing your job you also have to be a part of your kid’s life making sure they do not feel left out and also, to maintain a bond with them. If they fail to do so the other partner could end up getting their custody or children end up in shelter homes if both parents fail to provide minimum necessities to their kids. At times even custodial court hearings are held for the fight of custody between two parents.
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10. Getting new documents is a roller-coaster
Getting documents is a long process itself and after being separated (if you changed your maiden surname) is more troubling. If you have a joint bank account it gets trickier. So, does dividing properties you owned together. Assets owned together are distributed among the two people is done with the help of legal authorities. To make this process easier some people opt for signing a pre-marital agreement beforehand which decided and distributes who gets to keep what prior to getting married.
Being content and true to one self is upmost priority. After being divorced one’s life does not completely end. As society we need to grow and learn how it is normal for not all relationship to have proper functionality. But accordingly, couples should live together in a toxic relationship as well, if they are unhappy together due to problems that severe choosing to separate is an option. After divorce there are various workshop or counselling provided that can help one to get back to life and focus again.
With positive determination it gets easier slowly. It is tough to have your life back together but one should be happy at least they are out of a toxic relationship. Toxicity haunts you down and your wellbeing should be seriously taken as an individual. In some cases, to save themselves from all the troubles mentioned above people end their lives instead to not go through the suffrage and dealing with after math.