In this essay we are going to talk about the What Should You Know About Your Partner Before Getting Married?Marriage has been an extremely important affair in our country. Nevertheless marriage is a legal union of two individual, it has always been a symbol of culture and tradition. But marriage is not just a mere legal or cultural affair, it is a commitment of forever and a day. Such commitment has to be an auspicious one and to have a healthy and prosperous married life, choosing the right partner is one of the most prime element.
People fall in love and plan to settle down but love is not enough to make a happy home. One might ignore the very ordinary things to discuss before the marriage which may lead to huge differences later. Although it is completely fine to disagree on certain topics as we do not have to become a carbon copy of our partner. But it is much better to know the differences before we tie the knot.
Top 10 things you should know about your partner before getting married
According to the statistics, Surprisingly, only one out of hundred couples end up getting divorced in India. Divorce is an ugly side of a marriage and to reduce the chances of such a heartache, transparency and communication is the key. There will be tons of questions you will want to ask and other tons of questions you will need to ask. Some questions can get you and your partner in an uncomfortable and awkward state but you need to keep in mind that to build a future together you have to go for such conversations. It is also very important to give your partner the space to ask the necessary questions they want to ask. This kind of discussion will get your relationship in a better stage of understanding, faith and trust.
Here are 10 questions to ask before taking the vows of marriage because an awkward conversation now can save from heartbreak later.
The marriage
What can be more important than getting to know the reason of marriage for your partner, predominantly getting to know the concept of marriage they have. Interestingly there are lot of people out there who remain unsure of the marriage but still go ahead for the life-long commitment. These sorts of people often suffocate themselves mentally in the marriage. The primary doubt is to know if they really want this to happen or not. And if yes, then what do they expect from the marriage. Your idea and expectation of marriage can be completely different from their idea and expectation. Discussing the differences and reaching to an agreeable point is a victory. This kind of conversation will mark a beautiful beginning to the married life.
Family planning
Family planning is one of the most crucial steps to marriage. The question is about kids. As thought process has been changing every day, the idea of having kids has changed too. Earlier, getting married and then having kids were one of the major traditions but ideas have been changed lately. Many people prefer not having kids these days and sometimes just settling for one. Surprisingly the idea of adoption and surrogacy has also come up.
Another question regarding family planning to the male partners should be about the reaction and the process they would follow if their significant one faces issues getting pregnant. Woman struggling to get pregnant is being a controversial issue now-a-days. Same goes with miscarriages.
Other then planning kids, it is necessary to have talk on raising them because parenting them in a good direction is a herculean task. Having cold arguments over this topic is quiet natural.
Finances
This could be the most uncomfortable yet the most important discussion. Money has always been a great relation stress. Not talking on this can lead to huge disagreements in future. Getting to know about the income and the income sources is the most basic thing but this is not enough. You need to know about the expenses. Even that is not enough. The predominant thing is to know about their financial goals and let them know about your financial goals. All these will help you plan out the future together. It is important to know if they have any early retirement plans or any other uncommon plan, if they want to start the house hunt after the marriage or are they planning some vacation or honeymoon which is little in the expensive side.
Talking about savings and bank accounts is yet another uncomfortable but key discussion.
Prenuptial agreement
The concept of prenuptial agreement is very new and lesser heard topic in India. Nonetheless we have had seen mere marriages on the name of power and economical benefits. While marriage is a symbol of pure love, so called marriages on the name of money has destroyed the emotional bond of marriage. Prenuptial agreement also known as prenups is an agreement where the husband and the wife state about their assets, liabilities, insurance, debts etc before the getting married and specifies each other’s rights on property. If they ever get separated then this agreement helps to settle the financial rights. This may sound bitter but it is a major thing.
Click Here: Best Relationship Articles
Living situation
Getting married without having an idea about the living situation would be a fool’s play. This is the foremost thing to keep in mind. We have a tradition of living with the in-laws in our country while this idea has not been followed much these days. Many see this as a symbol of patriarchy. Even if someone is planning to stay with their in-laws, it is important to have a picture in mind as in how they are going to deal with in. We should always remember that two happy homes are better than one unhappy home so if the friction is too much then it is advisable to stay separately.
Other than that arrangement of stay is important. It is necessary to know where they are going to stay and for how long they will be staying there as in for months or years. The supreme is to mark if the place is comfortable and feasible for both of the partners and the environment should be preferable for both of them.
Values
Our value system defines us. We are the mirror of our thoughts. It is yet again one of the biggest relationship stress and one of the most controversial talks. Inter religion marriages and inter caste marriages are gradually being accepted in the society but still it is somewhere or other considered a taboo in the country. It should be predominantly discussed (about the religious faith and values one have and same goes with castes. )While religion and castes are two very huge and disputed topics, other emotional vulnerability should also be discussed over as it may cause a massive wedge in the married life. We can never compromise with one’s core values. Starting from day to day life to life values can cause real disputes.
For a group of individuals, political point of views can play a significant role and something totally opposite to their views can hurt their emotions in an unthinkable way.
What we expect from life as an individual can be utterly different from what our significant one will expect. To serve our interests, it is a wise idea to discuss all this. We should discuss education. Education for career growth or may be higher studies. To support them for that ,we must know their aspirations and goals or just understand their bucket list.
Dealing with real time issues
Couple of times we have heard people complaining about the temper issues of their partners. Unfortunately we compromise to this in the initial days but that becomes unbearable when the honeymoon period ends.
Firstly, it is very important for your partner to know your trigger points so that you do not lose yourself trying to understand them and you should know about their trigger point too in order to manage with them. You should know what makes them mad and what helps them to calm down. And what they do when they are stressed and how they deal with crisis.
Without having this minimal knowledge about your partner, a marriage can be a total sham. Stress and anger issues often take a toll on the couple’s love life. There are many examples of such unhappy marriages.
Food choices
Our food habits have always been a cultural identity in the society. Some way or another, our food habits have kept us all together. Discussing on the concept of veganism, non vegetarianism, vegetarianism etc is a very major point although it can sound vague but we never know about the differences and future arguments.
Other than that, what matters is the labour divide. We cannot speak enough for this topic. At least these days the kitchen work has not been limited to women of the family. Moreover, the female to male working professional ratio has also improved. In such a scenario, labour divide must be debated properly before the matrimony.
Out of all this, dietary habits and fitness habits can be talked through to mark the common interests to continue together.
Intimacy
Discussion on this topic is still a restricted one in our country whilst this has been reason of separation many times. We do not even sex education in our country and then no one is really there to teach us about these things. We lack the very basic knowledge and fail to understand the needs as well.
Sexual compatibility makes the marriage spicy. Even when everything is perfect in the marriage but intimacy is somewhere missing, the marriage is somewhere not working. Intimacy will make relationship fun and trustable.
We need to understand that intimacy is not limited only to the bed , a person craves for mental intimacy too. Intimacy is the strength for couples
The salient thing to speak over is sexual health and reproductive health. As we are not much aware about these stuffs. People who have STDs do not even know what STDs are in our country.
Deal breaker
Deal breakers are those points where it is non-negotiable for your partner. We do not really think about divorce when we get married. We rather adjust in an unsuccessful marriage then going for a divorce. If we keep in mind the deal breakers then we can have a very pleasant marriage experience. After all we marry to lead a happy life, not a suffocated life. Deal breakers will be different for every person. For some people, it can be infidelity and for others, it can be abuse. Discussing the deal breaker with your partner is the most vital thing for your marriage to last. Also here , let your partner know what is intolerable to you.
These were some points to keep in mind before getting committed to someone for rest of your life. Never forget that communication is the key. Whenever in doubt, ask, discuss, talk and reassure. We can never predict the future but we can always try to work it out. Thank you.